Decisions

Tomorrow afternoon we will talk with a doctor once again about our options for Stephanie and plan out a timeline for when those things happen. I wish I could call in sick!

However, I think I somehow feel peace about it. I say that now, though, and wonder if that will remain as tomorrow afternoon arrives. I feel like I’ve had nothing but time to think about what will happen if God heals Stephanie and also what will happen if He doesn’t. I’ll never be ready for the latter, that’s for sure, but I’ve thought about it as much as possible without it actually being reality yet. At least for my state of mind today, I don’t feel like it will be necessarily difficult to make that hard decision. What I do know is that a miracle from God will not be hindered by any decision I end up making.

I have been saying that God keeps telling me to wait. I’m feeling that less and less, and have to wonder if tomorrow is the reason why I don’t feel I need to wait any longer. Maybe this is why God has been telling me to wait. I’ve been encouraged by a number of you to have confidence in whatever decisions I need to make. I wish that was easier than it is, but I’m going to pray about that over the next day. If God still wants to heal Stephanie, maybe He is waiting for the most incredible healing possible. If His plans don’t involve that, then it’s time for me to let her go, as crushing a realization that is.

Like I said: either way, I can’t get in the way of God’s plans. I take rest in that fact, all the while wrestling myself to sleep.

15 thoughts on “Decisions”

  1. Hey Brad. I’m here and listening… so is the man above. Praying still for you and yours. Let us know if you need anything!

  2. Brad… no one should EVER have to go through what you or your families are going through now. I am angry that you do. You may feel so very alone but you aren’t. God has not left or forgotten you or her. Praying hard.

  3. Take the doctors recommendations, have confidence in your own decisions, but do look into alternative options such as medical treatments in China and India. There may be nothing, but it is worth a quick scan to see what options are illegal in this country.

    I can’t image how hard this is. If I was in the same position, and it was my husband lying there, I would be babbling incoherently or maybe crying and drooling. It’s so terrible on so many levels, but what is meant to be will be. Sometimes you can see what is beyond this world, and it is enough to know there is more. Whatever the outcome you will see her again, and hold her again and have her melt into your arms. Goodbye never is and it is never final. The body may go, but the spirit remains. It keeps its essence, feelings, and memories. Her love for you will not disappear. She will still love you, I’m sure she looks forward to the day she can hold you again too, be it in this life or the next.

    Good luck in your decisions, they are the hardest part of life. Myself and it seems at least several hundred other people are praying for wisdom and peace for you and your family. It’s decisions like this that forge the soul. I pray yours will not have to take the blows.

  4. Brad, there are so many things I want to say, but to write them all out at this moment–well, you don’t really want to read a novel right now, least of all, one authored by me.

    If you can, let us know what time you’ll be meeting with the doctor tomorrow (I know they don’t always give you a specific time, and when they say afternoon, it could be anywhere from noon to early evening). I’m praying for all of you whenever you cross my mind, which is all the time, but I want to make sure that I am definitely on my knees praying for you when you are actually meeting with the doctor. I know God hears all of our prayers, no matter when we say them or how we say them, but I really feel compelled to be praying for all of you at that time, if possible.

    Rest as well as you can tonight, and remember He is with you through it all. He will lead you through whatever lies ahead.

  5. May the God of comfort and peace be your daily strength according to His promise in Isaiah 41:10, which says: “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

    You, Stephanie and your precious children are in my thoughts and prayers continually.

  6. Hi Brad,
    I was so touched by this entry because it’s exactly how I’ve been feeling. Three days ago, I was 100% confident of Stephanie’s healing. Today, and really after praying over her on Saturday, I feel very strongly that God is telling us to “cease striving and know that He is God.” I mean, really KNOW that….KNOW that he is God. We have all been striving…striving to pray enough, striving to have enough faith, striving to give you and your family the comfort you need even though we know that is impossible. God is speaking to my heart and telling me to just rest in Him, and it sounds from your entry that he is telling you the same, even though our earthly minds and bodies are having a hard time with this. I do not feel that He is saying He is bringing Stephanie home to Him. But I don’t feel either way. I feel that He is saying that we need to trust Him, yes, but we also need to rest in Him. I pray that you are finding that rest and that your meeting with the doctor and any decisions you make bring you that peace that passes all understanding.

    I am available to come to the hospital tomorrow night if you would like me to. I am staying away as I feel that I might be more of an encouragement through words than in person, but I am always willing to come and pray with you. I’m praying now. And a minute from now. And the minute after that. All day.

    We love you,
    Leslie

    1. I meant to say that I’m available to come to the hospital tonight. Tomorrow night also. I think it was so early in the morning that I was confused on the day!

      Praying right now.
      Leslie

  7. i wish i had something worth saying but this is such a rough situation that all i can say is that our family is praying for yours.

  8. Brad, I do not pretend to be someone who knows how to handle a situation as yours. All I can do is share something I’ve learned in a trial of much less magnitude: God keeps His promises.

    He has promised to love you and Stephanie and your children. He loves Stephanie more than you ever could. He knows what is best for her mortal body. He loves your children more than you ever could. He has a plan to prosper them no matter what happens to them in this fallen, diseased world. He loves you soooo much and wants you to trust him in this fiery furnace. He knows it is hard. He Himself has cried out, “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?” On this side of heaven, He does not stop every malfunction, virus, tragedy, but ONE DAY, He will wipe away EVERY tear and there will be NO MORE SORROW. He keeps His promises!

  9. Brad, I’m a friend of Steph’s dad, Bill and I’m praying that God will give you His wisdom and a Spiritual understanding beyond yourself, to make the decision He wants. Also praying that He’ll give you the peace and comfort to live with that decision. Whatever happens today, Steph is already in God’s hands, those Dr.s gave it all they had and then realized they had no more…His will be done! My prayers will continue for you and your family.

  10. Brad, I’m a friend of Steph’s Dad, Bill. I’m praying that God will give you His wisdom and a Spiritual understanding beyond yourself, to make the decision He wants you to make. Also, praying that He’ll give you a peace to live w/that decision. No matter what happens today, Steph is already in God’s hands. Those Dr.s gave all they had and then they had no more…His will be done!

  11. Brad,
    My church continues to ask for direction for prayer. And each time, I ask them to pray for peace, strength and rest for you. You are being continually uplifted and without ceasing. Stay Strong! I have heard that some of our intersessors have been there praying this weekend. I doubt that they took the time to say anything to you. But they were there clothing you in prayer.
    Kim

  12. May the peace of the Lord be with you and your family, always, but especially today with what decisions await you. He is always with you.

  13. Brad, So many thoughts came to my mind tonight as I read through your blog…All of us who love Stephanie and you and your family are walking through this with you I too know that whatever God’s will is for Stephanie, he will reveal it to you and you just have to trust that. ” Be still and know that I am God” Psalms 46;10..” Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall stregthen thine heart: Wait, I say, on the Lord. Psalm 27;14

  14. Brad, I pray that you will continue feeling God’s strength,love and peace through the days to come. We continue praying for you and your family. We don’t have the answers to why this? or why me?, but I do know that God loves you,Steph and the children more than you can ever imagine. All He wants you to do is to trust Him, lean on Him. He is faithful and He will carry you through. Two verses that are encouraging to me are:
    Psalm 121……
    I lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth……..He will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
    Isaiah 40:31….. but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
    We continue praying for you…..

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