Tomorrow afternoon we will talk with a doctor once again about our options for Stephanie and plan out a timeline for when those things happen. I wish I could call in sick!
However, I think I somehow feel peace about it. I say that now, though, and wonder if that will remain as tomorrow afternoon arrives. I feel like I’ve had nothing but time to think about what will happen if God heals Stephanie and also what will happen if He doesn’t. I’ll never be ready for the latter, that’s for sure, but I’ve thought about it as much as possible without it actually being reality yet. At least for my state of mind today, I don’t feel like it will be necessarily difficult to make that hard decision. What I do know is that a miracle from God will not be hindered by any decision I end up making.
I have been saying that God keeps telling me to wait. I’m feeling that less and less, and have to wonder if tomorrow is the reason why I don’t feel I need to wait any longer. Maybe this is why God has been telling me to wait. I’ve been encouraged by a number of you to have confidence in whatever decisions I need to make. I wish that was easier than it is, but I’m going to pray about that over the next day. If God still wants to heal Stephanie, maybe He is waiting for the most incredible healing possible. If His plans don’t involve that, then it’s time for me to let her go, as crushing a realization that is.
Like I said: either way, I can’t get in the way of God’s plans. I take rest in that fact, all the while wrestling myself to sleep.