Another day

For my birthday on Wednesday morning, I woke up and cried for a bit. It was one of those “good” cries, where I really got myself into the moment and the memories and the sadness. I had the day off from work. Unfortunately, it didn’t turn out to be much more than just another day off.

Stephanie wasn’t there to wake me up with breakfast and a candle in my breakfast, and a present that she had specifically picked for me to open in the morning. She didn’t excitedly wish me a happy birthday when I woke (or the night prior when it hit midnight). There was no homemade card from her detailing just how much she celebrates me and loves me. She always made it so apparent how thankful she was that I was born on that day X number of years before. There was no “birthday week” celebration for the whole week. There wasn’t a surprise lunch to bring to work with a sweet note and small present in it. And dinner wasn’t my favorite dish lovingly made.

So, it was just a day off. It wasn’t bad, but it didn’t feel like my birthday. I had someone say to me that birthdays do feel more and more like just another day the older you get. I’m sure that’s true for some people, but not for me and not for us. And we made sure of that for each other. Birthdays were often better than previous years.

So that’s how my day went. Not bad, but not special. I went to see Tron: Legacy in 3D by myself. It was a great movie and fun to see it and I quite enjoyed it, so that was good.

I will say that I do feel very loved, and I’m so thankful for that. I had about 154 birthday wishes on my Facebook wall. I’m pretty sure that’s a record for me. Thank you all for that. And I’m told by my mom how loved I am based on all the help/support/money that people are putting into my birthday party. I can’t wait for it.

I really just pray that I can get into it. As I’ve been doing, to fully embrace whatever emotions I have, but that I could really just allow it to be a strong memory (whether good or bad for how I’m feeling – that it’s at least strong because it meant something). God wants me to prosper and I’m fully aware of that. I can’t prosper if I pretend my emotions aren’t there, and I can’t prosper if I don’t fully embrace every moment.

6 thoughts on “Another day”

  1. God Bless you as you continue to put one foot in front of the other. Each day is different, some days you may do better than others. That's okay. I truly hope that even though this birthday celebration wasn't what it could have been, that it was still a wonderful celebration of YOU!!!!

  2. Wow! Stephanie did a lot for you to celebrate your birthday! I knew it was a big deal but I didn't know she did the birthday breakfast with gift, and the birthday lunch with gift, and the midnight birthday wish. What a woman! Great photobook too. Thanks for bringing it so we could see. Makes anyone cry. *hugs*

  3. I'm so glad that in the end because of Jesus we've had the chance to have second spiritual birthdays. Someday we will all be together again after we are finished passing through this world.Brad, I admire your honesty to face this head on raw. This willingness to be vulnerable will actually help you so much in the grieving process. (NOT that you'll ever "get over" it.) That is almost cruel to think about. At the same time I know God still has a plan and purpose for you and your precious babies. I also know and believe that even though there will always be a missing piece- He still does have joy for you again someday. ♥Happy Birthday Brother. Thank you for being a light for Him. ♥

  4. Just thought I'd let you know that your posts/Stephanie​'s tradition has inspired me make a big deal out my husband's and daughter's birthday. I love to throw parties and I make cakes on the side (Gina said yours was really cool at your party), so I think I can do it. Continuing to be inspired by you and your life. Stay salty.

  5. Just thought I'd let you know that your posts/Stephanie's tradition has inspired me make a big deal out my husband's and daughter's birthday. I love to throw parties and I make cakes on the side (Gina said yours was really cool at your party), so I think I can do it. Continuing to be inspired by you and your life. Stay salty.

Leave a Reply