It’s been a decade since she was here with us. I can’t believe it has been ten years. It’s simply impossible that it has been that long. There’s no other word for it. Just… impossible.
I have such a wonderful life now, with an incredible wife and amazing kids. And yet, at the same time, I can’t help but long for what could have been. It’s such an odd dichotomy that leaves me feeling as if I’m betraying myself. But my wife reassures me I’m not crazy. She is so kind, compassionate and understanding when it comes to my feelings about Stephanie and the pain of losing her. She welcomes me with open arms so that I can bear my heart before her.
My heart breaks for the years that Brady and Halle have missed with her. And I hate having missed the years seeing her with them. She so loved being a wife and mom, and it lit up my life to see her enjoy it so much.
I wish we could borrow her for a day from her heavenly home, so that I could introduce her to Julie, Hannah, Graham and Grace. I could show her the new second floor on our house to accommodate the seven of us. I can almost see her and Julie sitting down for coffee, laughing like long-time friends about all of my quirks and the things the kids have done. It would end too soon, of course. And the next day would be harder than any day in recent memory.
And then I wake up from that dream to remember that I will get to have that day, years from now, when we get to see her again in Heaven. It’s going to be so great to see her again. Until then, I will fully enjoy those I have been given for the time I have with them. I will honor her memory by exemplifying her joy over our family.