It’s 10:15pm as I write this, on Monday, October 4, the day after Stephanie had a cardiac arrest after she stopped breathing due to a seizure. Her seizure started at 10:08pm, practically 24 hours to the minute. I remember we were talking and watching TV and having a wonderful night together. I can still remember my horror when I turned to look at her and realized she was having yet another one. Three in one day! How is that possible? Horror turned into terror beyond words when her breathing seemed erratic and not sufficient to the point that she stopped breathing.
I never thought I would ever actually have to give mouth-to-mouth to anyone, let alone a family member. It is disturbingly similar to how it is on the practice CPR dummies. Her chest was rising and falling in accordance to the air I was breathing into her. It felt just as forced as it was. She wasn’t breathing at all. I was faking it for her, and I’ll never forget what that felt like. From calling 911 to answering the questions for EMS to gathering my things to take with me, I felt like I knew exactly what to do while also having no idea at the same time. I had been here before, worrying for my wife’s life. This was different, though. She stopped breathing. They used a defibrillator! I didn’t like “new.” Heck, I didn’t like “old,” either, and this was infinitely worse. Whose life was this?
I thank God that my children were at my parents’ house that night. Brady has seen at least three of Stephanie’s seizures, and two of those involved EMS. I worry for that little boy and how that affects his security. But this time they weren’t at home. Thank God that I was home. I’m so glad to have been at Stephanie’s side for every one of her seizures, and yet at the same time, I hate it.
I’m writing all of this while I continue to wait on the MRI. It will happen sometime tonight, but we won’t know until it’s time. And even then, it is a 1-2 hour test, and we won’t get preliminary results right away. Final results will have to wait until the morning when a doctor can really look at them and study them. I can’t anticipate that time enough, and yet I’m again terrified at what I will hear.
Thank you all for your prayers and for your love and care and concern. I cannot tell you how much it means to me, and I have found myself crying my eyes out at the love that is being heaped on me by everyone. Thank you. May God bless you all, and may He work His best in each of your lives.