I thought the MRI was going to be the end-all, be-all of tests and results that I wanted and that it would tell us everything so we knew what the next days would bring. We got the results, but that’s not so much the case. The MRI gave positive news, more-or-less, and almost essentially rendered it useless to us for the future. They found that the brain swelling was the only thing of concern regarding her brain and it was caused by the cardiac arrest. There were no blood clots or fluid or anything else to worry about, which is good and means they don’t have to do anything for that. So, it’s good to have a conclusive answer as to how her brain looks, and I wouldn’t want to still be in the dark about how her brain was. But, there is nothing further to do based on those results. The swelling will go down on its own, but any damage already caused is still there.
That said, another test was being run. It is something called a Somatosensory Evoked Potential (SSEP), which will show any electrical signals going from the body to the brain. This, I’m told, is that end-all, be-all test that I was looking for. But, for all I know I’ll be proven wrong on that, too. Anyway, patients are typically given an SSEP test 72 hours after they’ve had a brain injury. In our case, that would be Wednesday night at 10pm. They won’t do it at 10pm, and I’m unclear as to when they will. However, for some reason that even the doctor doesn’t know, the test was done earlier today. We’ll get the results later tonight, and the test will be given again around the 72-hour mark. Apparently, a person can have bad results at 1 or 2 days, but then have good results on the third day, so today’s test will not paint an accurate picture necessarily.
They’ve been doing a poor man’s version of this test ever since she arrived. They check for pupil dilation, corneal reflex, and what I’m just going to call a pain reflex. They shine a light in her eyes, touch her eyes with cotton swabs, and pinch her arm, respectively. She has always had pupil dilation, but has not responded to the other two. According to the doctor, very few people who come in like Stephanie are ever the same, and those that are okay show a reaction to all three of those “light” tests. So, I guess what I’m saying is that the prognosis is very not good. The SSEP test will really tell us a lot, especially at the 72-hour mark. If it is positive, things are really good. If it’s negative, then she will either be in a vegetative state or not make it at all.
Of course this news overwhelms me. I do not know what I will do without my wife. I still have God. I have God and He has me. I know He loves me and I know He wants what is best for me. I don’t know how that would be best for me, but that’s just because I can’t see things from His perspective. I have so much family and friends here to comfort me. It has been such a blessing. I am now exhausted from all the emotions. There was much crying and bawling and sobbing.
But I know that God is not done yet. This still isn’t over and this whole thing can still turn around. I don’t know if it will. I do know that God can do it if He wants. Stephanie’s aunt has been impressed with the idea to “just wait,” and so that is what we are doing. We’re just waiting. Nothing is for certain until God says so, no matter what the doctors say. And I know that if He decides to take her from me, whether mentally or physically, then He will fill that hole in my life and He will overcome the great pain I am experiencing.
I love you all. Thanks for reading along. I will keep posting, and probably share thoughts I’m having. It’s very therapeutic for me to type out my thoughts, and I do my best processing with that.