I learned some time ago from a man named Ray VanderLaan. He has studied Eastern culture and taken Rabbinic school. He spends his time now translating the culture of the Bible to westerners. My favorite story is his description of how Abraham’s conversation with God went, as Abraham asked God about the children he was promised. (God promised Abraham so many children that even the stars would be less in number.) Abraham approaches God very colloquially, almost border-line disrespectful, but not. And he firmly asks God, “Where’s my kids?!”

That’s how I feel a lot when I’m talking to God these days. My question is usually, “What about my kids?!” She was such a wonderful mother and they loved her so much. They would play on the bed, and she would read to them and laugh with them all the time. They never wanted to be away from Mommy. Even if I took them out to the store, coming home was exciting because that’s where Mommy was. I know God has grace that abounds and I know He will take good care of them. I will do my best, for sure. I just keep thinking about how no child should grow up without his or her mother. I’ve known friends who have lost their mom or spouses, and I know they have felt this pain, too. I just ask God to please be with my kids – her babies.

4 thoughts on “Hutzpah”

  1. Brought a smile to my face hearing you talk about RVL such a good study! We continue to echo your prayers and hope you know this love and support is not temporary to the current crisis and that the family of God has so many eager to bear burdens with you into the future.

  2. This made me think of a poem/prayer share to me by my pastor. I think you’re going to like it.


    If I can’t be honest with you, Lord,
    I can’t be honest with anyone.
    You are the only person I know
    who can take it,
    no matter what I say.

    People are offended if I’m honest.
    They want to hear nice things,
    sweet words of happiness,
    gentle hymns to a gentle God
    smiling somewhere
    on a red velvet throne.

    Well I’m sick of being phony
    and I don’t like to act
    as if there’s nothing wrong
    with me
    or my friends
    or the world
    or you.

    Sometimes I want to scream at you
    and let it out.
    I have a million
    unanswered prayers
    stuck in my craw.

    I want you to listen
    when I yell at the sky,
    pound my pillow,
    kick the ground,
    throw stones at the stars,
    slam doors,
    or swear at the world.

    Perhaps that’s not giving
    all glory to God,
    as others do,
    with folded hands and frozen face,
    but for me it means
    I’m paying you
    the highest respect there is.
    It means I trust you with the truth-
    all the truth.

    — Norman Habel
    Interrobang. Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 1969.”

  3. We have never met but I have known Stephanie since we were both pregnant with our sons and we developed an online friendship and I still plan to meet her in the future as I am a positive thinker. I know no other way.

    I have been thinking of her non stop. She is such a kind generous soul and loves her family and friends with every ounce of her being great. My heart has been breaking through her entire journey this year since her seizures started with no explaination on why. I am just continuing to remain positive that she will pull through and return home healthy to you and those lovely children.

    Becki Stevenson

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