Ready

I’ve been saying all along that God has been telling me to wait. I found that message particularly absent this morning (and even last night to a degree). Now that today is over, I think I know why.

Much of today was spent considering the next few days and what needs to happen, or what our options are. I found out (much later in the day than I would have hoped) that Stephanie’s brain activity is much diminished – almost non-existent from what I’ve seen – and her breathing is not above the ventilator like it was all this past week. I take two things away from these points.

First of all, I’m ready to move on, for as much as that is possible. All the talk about making her comfortable and organ donation and autopsy would have been nearly impossible for me any day before today. But, I felt at peace about it. I was able to consider the options (not that I had much thinking to do, since Stephanie and I had talked about where we stand on those issues) without falling apart amidst them. I was ready to talk about all the logistics.

And that’s not to say that I have given up on God bringing a miracle still. I still have no doubt He can and will give me a miracle, but am nonetheless preparing in accordance with what is necessary as far as the hospital is concerned. These considerations, while unnecessary if she is healed, have created so much growth in me simply because I have considered everything and really thought through the next days and sometimes weeks. I don’t believe God will hold any of that against me when considering if I have faith that His healing will happen.

And that brings up the other point I take away from not feeling like I need to wait. With Stephanie’s worsened condition today, God is really setting Himself up to shock everyone with her healing. God kept telling me to wait on Him and for His miracle because He is now at a point where it is practically at its most impossible to happen. And a miracle happening would crush any doubt that God did this. The doctors aren’t even trying anymore, so they couldn’t even say they did this or that and it somehow worked. God has told me that I’m done waiting. I feel done. I feel okay and ready for whatever His plan is.

I know I’m not completely ready for either outcome, but I’m as ready as I can possibly be.

27 thoughts on “Ready”

  1. Hey Brad, I have been reading your post daily since the day this occurred… Today, I spoke to Mark Adkins, not sure if you remember him or not but he told me something I did not know about him. A long time ago his mom was in a coma because of a car accident… at some point her dr's told her mother to pull the plug but her mother was not able to. About 17 days had passed since the time of the incident and she came out of the coma. He told me that if his grandmother would have pulled the plug when the dr's told her to Mark would have never been born. I hope this gives your some hope and maybe God is not done healing her at this point… It may take awhile…

  2. Brad, I know there is nothing I can say to take away your pain. I just want you to feel all of our prayers.
    You are listening to and trusting God. That is all He asks of you.
    We love you, but He loves you SO much more.

  3. Brad, I’ve prayed so many times for a miracle for Stephanie and I continue to pray. I want so much to celebrate her healing and what would be a message from God to the entire world. I want to see your post, call everyone I know, and run out of my house dancing into the driveway. And then I want to come hug my friend and tell her about all of the people that prayed for her and how thankful I am that she’s here. I wait expectantly for what only God can do, and what He chooses to do. We are praying you through every step.

  4. You my friend are a remarkable Christian man and a testimony of Gods grace and faith to all of us….I thank God and give him praise and glory for you,and your testimony in this time of your life.Thank you so much for being willing to share so much with us.

  5. I am just amazed at your unshakable faith, your strength, your courage, your wisdom, your ability to remain so level-headed, and your ability and willingness to share all of this with us. In your shoes, I wouldn’t be anywhere near as composed as you are. You are an example and an inspiration.

    Brad, I’m still praying for that miracle, and I have no plans to stop doing that anytime soon. I will continue to lift you all in prayer. I feel like I keep saying the same thing over and over, but I feel you need to know that we’re still here and we will not abandon you.

  6. Brad,

    I have been following your blog since I heard the news. I attend the same church as you. Plesae know that my family and I are praying for you. God is good, all the time.

  7. Brad, I was just praying and I was coming to the same realization. That if God choses to heal Stephanie at this time, it will leave no doubt that He exists. That He alone is God and everything is within His power. We know that His ways are not our ways and I’m sure His plan is something we can’t begin to imagine. But we can take comfort in Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Brad, I pray for your hope. I pray for your future.

  8. Brad, we have never met, but I just want to let you know that I am praying for you constantly. I am married to Phil (I believe you two went to the same high school years ago?). I am so sorry that this has happened and I admire your strength and courage through this very difficult time. You are such a good testimony and you may not realize, but God has used you to encourage me which has made me seriously check my walk with God. I called our church today and had you and Stephanie and your family put on our church prayer list. We have some awesome prayer warriors in our church. I am praying that God continues to give you strength and that you will feel His presence and peace continually. I am also praying for His perfect will for your dear, precious wife. We don’t always have answers, but we always have God’s promises.

  9. Dear Brad, We are praying that the moments that you have with Stephanie are beautiful and precious…God has you both in his hand and He will not let either of you fall. He is everpresent in every one of our experiences in life and His Son Jesus is the first face we see when we enter eternity. What promises we have in Him. We love you and continue to lift you and your precious family up to the one who is the way, the truth and the life.
    love, the hickey family

  10. Brad, you and your family have never left my thoughts and prayers, I totally agree with Mark! Thank you for sharing your testimony through this and being so honest with us! Wanted to tell you that my whole church family at NEO is praying for you! I too have been praying for that miracle that only He can do! We love you Brad! Continue the prayers!

  11. I’ve never met you but I am strengthened by the strength that God is giving you. Regardless of WHERE she is healed, Stephanie’s healing, either here or on the Streets of Gold, is a testament of God’s love. And you sharing your love with Stephanie with all of us is amazing. I thank you for letting us into your lives. I will continue to pray for you all!

    Love in Christ,
    from Idaho,
    Amy Waters

  12. Brad,
    Jon and I are praying for you, Stephanie, Brady, Halle and your families. It is so difficult to have someone you love so much in a coma. It is amazing to see how God can use such situations. My dad was in a coma for 2 months when I was 14. Doctors said no way he would come out of it. He did, although he needed a great deal of care. Through the process he became a Christian and the 14 more years that he lived were a wonderful testimony to God. I also experienced a situation with a dear mentor, Mitch, who was in a coma and did not come out of it. Again, God was glorified and Mitch’s mother and others came to know Christ after his death.
    Whatever happens God will use it to his glory and will work all things for good. Romans 8. God is already using your experience to touch others as you have opened your heart to him and the hundreds who are reading your blog.Praying you continue to feel God’s comfort and peace in this devastating situation.
    Mindy Baker

  13. Still praying for you and your family. You have touched more lives through this than you’ll ever know. Through facebook I found out a friend in IL already was praying for Stephanie! Words fail me right now, so I’m just going to keep praying!
    Because of Christ,
    Pam

  14. I just happened upon your blog and I want to say that I am praying for you and for a healing for your wife.

    I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through.

  15. Hey Brad, I have been reading your post daily since the day this occurred… Today, I spoke to Mark Adkins, not sure if you remember him or not but he told me something I did not know about him. A long time ago his mom was in a coma because of a car accident… at some point her dr's told her mother to pull the plug but her mother was not able to. About 17 days had passed since the time of the incident and she came out of the coma. He told me that if his grandmother would have pulled the plug when the dr's told her to Mark would have never been born. I hope this gives your some hope and maybe God is not done healing her at this point… It may take awhile…

  16. Ahhh. The refreshing peace of the Lord–I’m so glad you are experiencing some–I’ve been praying for that. Thank you for your updates–they are in many ways a form of peace for me.

    Clare

  17. Brad, you are someone in Christ!!!! God created you for a reason. You have purpose and God can use any circumstance in a persons life and use it for good. I am praying for you and your family. Keep your focus on the Lord. The hand of God is all with always.

  18. Brad,
    We have been praying for you and your family since we first found out. Our Sunday School Class and Church lifts you all up daily. As I read your messages, my heart is torn between sadness and joy. Sadness because of the difficulty of Stephanie’s situation, Joy, because of how God is using you to bring a whole new light on the word “trust”. I can’t tell you how much you’ve blessed me personally with encouragement on trusting Jesus, even in the darkest parts of the valleys we have and will go through. I know how hard it is to let go of someone you love. We had to 8 years ago with our baby daughter. But, as I look back, I know that God had her best interest and ours in his hands. I also know that he “healed her”. She’s in his house and she’s perfect. She isn’t suffering with tubes, ventalators, and connectors that made her so uncomfortable that we couldn’t even touch her without causing her discomfort and pain. She’s healed and that was our miracle from God. I didn’t see it at the time and kept asking “WHY, WHY God?”, but then after a time, I realized, “Why Not?” I had to realize and know that God knows what’s best. It took a season of time to understand that, but through prayers and staying in his Word, it brought about a healing and a better understanding of God’s love for my family and our daughter. I don’t know if this helps, but I wanted to share this with you. You’ve already given Stephanie over to the Lord, and you know He will heal her in the way that will bring glory. He’s using this situation in such a tremendous way, you can’t even imagine. I’ll continue to pray and you continue to hold on to Jesus. Praying for you and your families.

  19. Brad,
    I am a nurse at a hospital and last night during my night shift, I took a walk to the chapel and just sat and prayed for Stephanie and your family. I can’t tell you how much I felt God’s presence there and the feeling that God is in control. It was almost surreal. I will continue praying for your family. I also have a close to 18 month old and 3 year old and I just can’t imagine. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  20. Dear Brad,
    Please know that we at Sonshine Preschool (and my family) have not stopped bringing you and your family to the throne of grace minute by minute. We love you and know that God will provide the right answer for you as well as His healing, comfort, strength and peace. Remember, when you can’t see His face, trust His heart. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. God is near to the broken hearted and so are we as we lift you up. In His Love, Mike & Lois Griffin and the teachers at Sonshine Preschool

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