This week will being my migration back home. I’ve been fortunate to take things slowly and work my way back to “the new normal” for my life. While at my parents, I’ve dealt with the absence of Stephanie as much as possible while here. I’ve encountered a few situations that were difficult and dealt with those. I’ll spend this week trying to spend a little more time at my house over each day, and start handling as much as I can.

I put it best in my personal journal: “I’ll have to start taking care of laundry. I’ll have to start figuring out meals. Bedtime will be all me. Bathtime will be me. Diapers. Me. Clothes. Me. Dogs. Me. Drinks. Me. Loneliness. Just me. And it’s going to suck, all over again.” This is where the adjustment really takes on shape. I have to learn to do those things that Stephanie always took care of. I know it will be good for me – well, at least in whatever sense that’s possible. Anyway, I’ll be slowly getting to the point where I’m (mostly) on my own the entire day.

Part of me is looking forward to it. I’ve never been good at change, so I’m really hoping to make good on this change and do myself and my kids right. It’s really the only choice I have, but I want to give my best effort and not just let it happen. We’ll see how it goes, and I’ll let you know.

10 thoughts on “Home”

  1. Praying for you always, but especially during this week! Yes, it is all you, in the sense that you have to do everything Stephanie once did plus everything you always did, but know that you always have a place to come if you want someone else to prepare a meal (and we both know I mean Jim, not me), if you want friends to talk to, a movie to watch, or whatever! We can always come to your place also, if you don’t want to get the kids out or if you’d like me to clean the house:) Hey, I can’t cook, so I have to offer whatever “talents” I have! We will not impose, but we would love to do anything for you. Seriously.

  2. One laundry tip (just so you don’t have to learn the hard way like I did), always check the pockets of little boys:) I have washed a dried a million “things” but Blue crayon had to be the worst!:)

    I pray for a smooth transition for you and the kids.

    I love your blog it is amazing! Thank you for sharing your story with us.

    (BTW: I am Kory and Clare’s sister in law just so you know:)


  3. Brad,

    I don’t know if Stephanie knew that you appreciated all of those things that a house wife does but with the way that your heart writes I’m sure she knew. Sometimes I myself will think what if I wasn’t here anymore and how my husband would do. I know I can feel unappreciated (I’m sure alot of women can say the same) for cleaning up cat mess, throw up, dog’s mess, kids homework assignments, laundry, the unannounced/unplanned kids sick days to throwing in a wonderful homecooked meal, cleaning up toys to whatever else comes your way. It is hard at times to keep up and then sometimes I remind myself I’m serving the Lord by doing these things for my family or others. Then my heart feels all warm inside. Pray every day that He will lead you and help you. And just please know others would love to help you. I would love to help considering I have a Masters Degree in all taking care of the home situations with a husband, 2 kids, a dog and three cats!! On to now my crazy day….loving the Lord always too.


  4. God is there in the midst of the piles of laundry and the lonliness. The wonderful thing right now about having two little children is that they keep me busy and the days go by quickly. Before I know it bedtime comes, and it is then that the lonliness sets in. God becomes even bigger to me in those moments and He makes sure that I know He is there. I hate that life is such an adjustment, but like you I trust that His plan is perfect and even if I don’t understand, I have to keep trusting. God will help fill in those places that you need help.


  5. It will be hard, no doubt. All you can do is take one second at a time (can’t even say one day at a time because none of us are guaranteed the next second of our life.) It sounds like you have a most wonderful support system with your family and friends. That is comforting to know and such a true blessing.

    It will be a learning experience for you and the children for sure. My experience — the housework will ALWAYS be there and there will ALWAYS be something that needs to get done — but your children are only this age for a moment — a mere blink of an eye. So, I say, to heck with housework, :) — enjoy and take in every moment of being your children’s everything!

    Your children one day are going to know what a truly remarkable man you are, Brad, and they are just going to be so very, very proud to call you their Dad!

    My thoughts are with you and your children on your new journies.


  6. My only advice is…Take it one day at a time…one minute at a time…one moment at a time. There will be days when it just doesn’t happen. Accept this and move on. Try not to be too hard on yourself and realize you can only do what you can do. Allow yourself the grace that God gives you. God will give you the strength and grace to maneuver each day. Apostle Paul tells us essentially, ‘Eyes on the prize’. Face forward and march on. You will adjust, your children will adjust, and you will find your way. God bless you and your beautiful children.

  7. Dear Brad,
    Please know that I am standing by your side in my prayers. May you be filled with the peace only our Loving Savior can give, and may He comfort and guide you and your little ones in this transition. Stay close to Jesus, He will strengthen you, He will not let you go. God Bless you, dear.

  8. Brad, I know that you are smart enough to do well at taking care of the house and Brady and Halle. You will be great at it. But I know it won’t be easy, and it will make you miss Stephanie all the more. You are always, always in our prayers.

  9. Brad–The mundane, the day to day, the routine, “life goes on” part of your life is now beginning. This may be the toughest thing you ever, EVER face on this earth. Your house was Stephanie’s creation, her domain, her solace and place of rest, intimacy and joy with you and your children. Walking into “her nest” will be most difficult. And thankfully, our Lord Jesus is a Savior that cries, weeps and knows the pain you will face. Give it to Him as you walk every inch of that house. Pray over that house that it continues to be that same safe haven as Stephanie created for you.

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