God is doing a lot in my heart these days. He is speaking to me in ways I would have never thought possible. He is ministering to my soul and nourishing my spirit daily if not hourly. He is being so incredibly gracious to me. His love for me is uncanny and unequaled.

A comment led me to thinking about how desperate I am for my time to come when I will enter Heaven and see my bride once again. I remember mentioning this idea in the past, too. Something has changed, though, and is changing. While that desire will never go away, I am finding myself more and more desperate for the rest of my life. I am getting giddy about what God has planned for me. I know they are good plans. I know it’s for my best and for the best of other people. I would love to be in Heaven right now (and scorn this sinful life), but I can feel in the very depths of me that God is not done with me yet here on earth. I’m excited to see what’s in store. I can’t wait to be used by Him and to serve Him.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

8 thoughts on “Plans”

  1. I’m so glad to hear God is helping you through this time and you can now see a bright future for yourself. Keep trusting Him, he won’t let you down! You are still in my prayers.

  2. Brad,
    I wanted to thank you for being so open with your thoughts through out all of your struggles. I didn’t know it at the time but I was led to read your blog by God. You gave me something that He wanted me to have. I have no idea what it like to lose my spouse but I do know a little of what you went through before you lost Stephanie. My husband has been sick for some time now and last Friday I came home from taking my daughter to a Doctors visit to find him unresponsive. It totally floored me. Even knowing that his health problems can be fatal it still shook me to my core. I watched the Doctors in the ER intibate him, watched him being Life Flighted to UH in Cleveland and waited for someone to give me an answer to what was wrong with him. The thing of it is is that God’s hand was in it the whole time. One of the EMT’s that came to the house to get him was a neighbor of mine, I take his son to youth group with my kids on Wednesdays. My very dear friend called me just as I arrived at the ER and shortly there after came to be with me. As I waited for my husband to be loaded on the helicopter a man I never met before was there he heard me ask the guard if I could get closer to the helipad and introduced himself to me and said that we had a mutual friend and that he had heard what had happened and he was praying for my family. The list of things that God has done this past week is long and quite impressive. I read your blog again as I waited and was reminded over and over again that God is in complete control. Always, in every situation. I know that His will in His time will be done. But He takes care of us while His will is being done. He puts people in our lives to help us and puts others there to benifit from us. Just wanted you to know that I have benifitted from your blog and that you have blessed me just as God intended you to. Sorry to be longwinded and I hope this makes some sense. God bless. ~ Sharon

  3. I’m not exactly sure what I want to say, but I’m feeling compelled to write. Partially because I feel kinda weird about following your blog since you don’t even know me. I just connected to your story so much and I couldn’t tell you the last time I prayed for someone I’d never even met. In fact, until the night I first read your blog a few weeks ago, I hadn’t done much praying at all in quite a while.

    I think one of the reasons I connected so much with your blog was because my husband was taken from me two years ago. The difference though was that my husband didn’t die. He chose to have an affair and break the bond between us and tear our family apart.

    I remember having some of the same feelings that you shared. My whole life, all I ever wanted was to be a wife and mother. I felt complete when I had the family I had always dreamed of. I couldn’t believe that God would allow that to be taken from me.

    My ex-husband and I served together as leaders in our church youth group, yet when we separated, the church didn’t know how to handle it. While my husband voluntarily stepped down, the church asked me to do the same. I was devastated. I felt like the church turned their back on me when I needed them the most. Unfortunately, the body of
    Christ doesn’t often know how to handle a situation like mine, yet they do so well in situations like yours (don’t get me wrong. I LOVE the way people have surrounded you with HIS love and pray that you will continue to feel His love through His body as that is how He intended it to be).

    I’m sure that you don’t see our situations as being very similar. I wouldn’t have ever compared them before going through a divorce, but I can tell you that divorce is like a death. Neither you nor I had any control over losing our spouse. The difference is that the person I loved did have control and made that choice anyway.

    I’m not sure how all of this is coming across. What I’m trying to say is that, although you likely don’t see our situations as being very similar, I can relate to your loss on so many levels and I have mourned with you and prayed for you during this time.


    1. My husband left me for another woman 17 years ago. What I have heard is the loss of a spouse through death is so much more severe. In deaath, there was no choice…. In divorce the spouse that left had a choice. Rather than turn toward your spouse and try to fix the marriage, it is easier to turn away. We have become a “throw away society” And it doesn’t matter what we throw away. My son suffered greatly at the age of 15. In a lot of ways, I wonder how his life would have been different if we had stayed married. He made some bad choices that he is still paying for. I don’t know you either, but your story has had such an impact on my life. I’m trying very hard to cherish the relationships that I have and not take anything for granted. Tomorrow is promised to no one. Love to you and your family.

  4. I was in a place like this at one time. It was not due to death, but still…it was a big transition time. When we cling to Jesus, He leads us in such special ways. He does have a plan for you. Keep close, listen well, and obey. What a joy divine, leaning on the everlasting arms!

  5. What a gift for you. After my husband died I could not fathom how the children and I could possibly pick up the pieces. I really thought our lives would stay shattered. I am here to tell you that God’s provisions to us have been tenfold. Our lives are a miracle. That pain, that loss…. was hofrrific for me and the children. But as I stand today in the life God provided for us, I can honestly tell you that He will take care of you all. We are in a place (nearly 4 years later) that I never would have dreamed of. We miss him every day, and I try to keep the memories going (the twins were 3 when he died and my older son 8). But today my children are healthy, happy and well. A friend gave me a card that said, “She built a cathedral out of the splinters of her shattering.” With God’s help, that is exactly what we did. May God continue to bless you Brad.

  6. Dear Brad, Like some of the others have said. Don’t get wrapped up in household chores. Yes they’re important, gotta have clothes and food, BUT you have 2 small babies that need you more than anything else right now. If you don’t have a crock pot get one. You can have it cooking all day, on low, and when you get home from work dinner is ready. That will give you time for playing, bathing and spending time with Brady and Halle. It sures seems like you have a lot of people that are trying to help. Accept it. Stephanie grew into her role. Marriage, then one child, then time to adjust to being a Mommy before Halle joined your family. You my friend, are assuming all of the responsibilities at once. It is overwhelming. God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. Sometimes, we wish He didn’t trust us so much. Love to you and your family

  7. Brad,

    I’ve been away from your blog for a short bit and am catching up today. I love this post. I love how optimistic you are, albeit a guarded optimism. It just continues to speak volumes about your Christianity and your unyielding faith in God. And Jeremiah 29:11 has always been – and will always be – one of my favorite verses. Thanks again for putting your raw feelings out there – you continue to minister to so many through it all. Continued prayers your way – God Bless.

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