The Worst Things

I’m finding that almost everything I know to do with my kids is because of what their mother knew about them and did with them. I know how much my kids loved those things and don’t want them to stop by any means.

One thing we would do after Halle went to bed was to pop some popcorn and put on a movie that Brady could watch and the three of us would cuddle on the couch and watch. One night last week, I told Brady during their bath that we could do that if he wanted. He was very excited and couldn’t wait. As soon as I mentioned the idea, though, I started crying quite a bit. It ached to think of the times we all did that together and how we can’t have that again.

Something else the kids love and I was sure to do last week because of good weather was to go to the zoo. Stephanie loves animals, and was so glad to get a zoo pass last Christmas for this year. (Sadly, due to the seizures, she was never allowed to drive and couldn’t go nearly as many times as she wanted.) Again, I knew the kids would love to go and thought it would be good for all of us to get out. I guess it’s good that I didn’t realize beforehand just how painful it would be to be there. Otherwise, I might have been tempted not to go at all. I almost kept expecting to see her walking next to me every time I looked over.

I’m sure these moments will continue. Stephanie always would do those things that the kids loved, even if she wasn’t up to it. It’s easy to remember what the kids enjoy. It’s not until after I start those activities that I realize how painful it is for me. What makes them “the worst things” is because I’m not going to stop just because it’s hard for me, and it’s a mixture of enjoyment I get for my kids along with the pain it is for me.

7 thoughts on “The Worst Things”

  1. I still continue to read your posts and cry everytime. There are isnt a day that goes by that I dont wish there was a day that I couldnt take your pain away. I miss her too but it will never compair to what you're going through.

  2. Brad… Katie and I think of you often… and hurt and cry with you. You continue to teach me not to take for granted the little things in my life. We continue to lift you up during these incredibly difficult times! Love and prayers to you and your family!

  3. Life is always a mixture of the best and the worst, but for some it has to be more raw than it has to for others. At least there are small pleasures and happiness now, even if it is mixed with the sorrow.

    She is still with you in spirit, and when you look over and expect to see her, maybe she actually is there and wishing you could see her.

    Still praying for you and the kids as always.

  4. I still continue to read your posts and cry everytime. There are isnt a day that goes by that I dont wish there was a day that I couldnt take your pain away. I miss her too but it will never compair to what you're going through.

  5. Brad… Katie and I think of you often… and hurt and cry with you. You continue to teach me not to take for granted the little things in my life. We continue to lift you up during these incredibly difficult times! Love and prayers to you and your family!

  6. Brad, if you ever want company with the kids, we love going places like the zoo :) Nathan & I are constantly thinking of you and want to help. I drove past the cemetary yesterday and the song “I Will Rise” that was played at Stephanie’s funeral came across the radio. The part that really stuck with me and I am sure with you over the last month) is:

    There’s a peace I’ve come to know
    Though my heart and flesh may fail
    There’s an anchor for my soul
    I can say “it is well.”

    Jesus have overcome
    and the grave is overwhelmed
    The victory is won
    He is risen from the dead.

    And I will rise when he calls my name
    No more sorrow, no more pain
    I will rise on eagles’ wings
    Before my God fall on my knees
    And rise
    I will rise.

    Love you & praying for you!

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