Grief

I have visited a grief support organization near me a few times now. It’s called Cornerstone of Hope, and was started by a family who lost their 3-year-old son. It is a fabulous place, and I so appreciate the Christian basis they have for everything. Not only that, but they are experts and have all studied grief from the knowledge we have here on earth. When I first visited, they shared with me what grief is and it has made a lot of sense to me as I’ve thought about it. Grief is when our heart doesn’t yet accept the real loss our mind knows.

Since being told this, I have noticed that every time I’m struggling about things, almost immediately I am overwhelmed with the feeling of not believing that this really happened. I just can’t accept it. Obviously, my mind knows the facts. But, there’s still this feeling in my gut that “maybe they were wrong” and that she’s going to walk through the door at any moment, or that my phone will ring and it will be her on the other end. I’ve had dreams where she never died or she comes back to life. In one such dream, she actually sat up in the casket during the wake. (Those dreams don’t necessarily help me, which is not cool, but at least it lets me feel like she’s still with me, at least until I wake up.)

As much as I don’t want to stop believing that she might still be alive, I know that accepting it will play a huge part in healing me from the pain. Accepting it will mean that I have moved through my grief, which is something I desire to do. That’s why I’m going to counseling. I know it would be easy for me to avoid certain thoughts and/or emotions that might hinder me, either preventing me from being emotionally healthy or from being able to serve God fully. That is certainly not what I want. And, with the counselor, I know I will be sure to enter into all those emotions and thoughts so that I deal with them and experience my pain to the fullest.

I’m so glad for the wide range of help and support I’m getting. I have family nearby to help in more ways than imaginable. I have gobs of friends, both offline and online that are praying for me and listening to me and encouraging me. I have more than one church family helping out however they can. I have Cornerstone of Hope providing professional help. And, of course, I have God bringing me through it all, and having a plan for my life. And He’s still using me in ways I don’t often understand, but am very thankful for.

27 thoughts on “Grief”

  1. Brad, I'm thankful today for all the people you are reaching and helping with your blog. I'm thankful that you in a recovery process and pray it gives you peace. I'm thankful that God is gracious and faithful and will never leave you or forsake you. I pray your day is filled with peace and rest and love of family. PS…I still have dreams about my mom being alive and she died over 10 yrs ago. It's like I get a little bit of her in my life again when this happens. I treasure those dreams.Barb

  2. Thanksgiving is a hard time for my husband as well who's dad spent his final days in the hospital before passing on 11/27. It's been 9 years but I know it's still extremely hard at this time. I'm not sure which group his mom joined (it was in Sheffield) but she did find it helped. Each person in the group made a square for a quilt and then at the end family & friends were able to come to the unveiling. It will take time…

  3. We are praying for you and the kids that you will be surrounded with the family and friends you need to help you through the first of many hollidays…..His strength, Grace and Power is more than enough to sustain us and you my friend are more than a conqueror in ALL situations. God Bless you and your Family this Holliday Season….. Great Blog by the way

  4. Brad I am so thankful for the time that I did know stephanie and I am thankful for everyday that I am alive! Everyday is a blessing to me. As I am sure you know and possibly understand with everything I went through when I was in 8th and 9th grade. Especially knowing that I am not suppose to be living. which in some situations makes me feel guilty. But Just the same I am still very thankful for everyday I have on this earth! I am thankful for how strong you are. You may not feel like it right now. But you are stronger than you think! You are such an inspiration! You have effected even more than you may know! Of course praying everyday for you and your family!

  5. I keep meaning to tell you … My Aunt volunteers at Cornerstone. She starting going there when my grandparents passed (her parents) away. Now she volunteers there. Monica Pruchnicki … I told her to look for you! Hope you and your kids have a great Thanksgiving. Thinking of you!

  6. Dear Brad, You and your family have been on our heart during this Thanksgiving time, and I am so happy to hear that you are already being blessed by Cornerstone of Hope. We have found that they and their ministry continues to point my family to the Living Hope we have in Jesus. I know that they will do the same for you and your family.Never more than now will you clearly see how our amazing Jesus meets your every need…..and when He leads you to the place where you can again experience great joy…….we love you…the Hickey family

  7. "I have visited a grief support organization near me a few times now."That's great to hear. A lot of time people, especially men, don't want to go to a counselor because it's not "manly" or it's viewed as weak, awkward, inconvenient, but you know what? I think it takes a real man to know when he needs help. A man isn't a man because he never needs help, he's a man because he's "man enough" to admit when he can't handle something by himself. So, in ghetto talk, you da man!–"Grief is when our heart doesn’t yet accept the real loss our mind knows."Excellent words.

  8. We are praying for you and the kids that you will be surrounded with the family and friends you need to help you through the first of many hollidays…..H​is strength, Grace and Power is more than enough to sustain us and you my friend are more than a conqueror in ALL situations. God Bless you and your Family this Holliday Season….. Great Blog by the way

  9. Brad, I'm thankful today for all the people you are reaching and helping with your blog. I'm thankful that you in a recovery process and pray it gives you peace. I'm thankful that God is gracious and faithful and will never leave you or forsake you. I pray your day is filled with peace and rest and love of family. PS…I still have dreams about my mom being alive and she died over 10 yrs ago. It's like I get a little bit of her in my life again when this happens. I treasure those dreams.Barb

  10. Thanksgiving is a hard time for my husband as well who's dad spent his final days in the hospital before passing on 11/27. It's been 9 years but I know it's still extremely hard at this time. I'm not sure which group his mom joined (it was in Sheffield) but she did find it helped. Each person in the group made a square for a quilt and then at the end family & friends were able to come to the unveiling. It will take time…

  11. We are praying for you and the kids that you will be surrounded with the family and friends you need to help you through the first of many hollidays…..His strength, Grace and Power is more than enough to sustain us and you my friend are more than a conqueror in ALL situations. God Bless you and your Family this Holliday Season….. Great Blog by the way

  12. Brad I am so thankful for the time that I did know stephanie and I am thankful for everyday that I am alive! Everyday is a blessing to me. As I am sure you know and possibly understand with everything I went through when I was in 8th and 9th grade. Especially knowing that I am not suppose to be living. which in some situations makes me feel guilty. But Just the same I am still very thankful for everyday I have on this earth! I am thankful for how strong you are. You may not feel like it right now. But you are stronger than you think! You are such an inspiration! You have effected even more than you may know! Of course praying everyday for you and your family!

  13. I'm thankful for you, Brad and the way that you allow yourself and your situations/struggles to be used for the benefit of others. You are loved!

  14. I keep meaning to tell you … My Aunt volunteers at Cornerstone. She starting going there when my grandparents passed (her parents) away. Now she volunteers there. Monica Pruchnicki … I told her to look for you! Hope you and your kids have a great Thanksgiving. Thinking of you!

  15. Hey Brad,
    I wanted to let you know I am praying for you and hoping you have a good Thanksgiving. I understand about still waiting for this to be over and the “maybe they were wrong” thoughts. I still have those thoughts over a year later. I always have to sit down with God and let Him minister to my heart and He always does. Grief is such a process which I hate. Keep praising Him and loving Him. He is always faithful. Much love and many prayers.

    Kelly

  16. Dear Brad, You and your family have been on our heart during this Thanksgiving time, and I am so happy to hear that you are already being blessed by Cornerstone of Hope. We have found that they and their ministry continues to point my family to the Living Hope we have in Jesus. I know that they will do the same for you and your family.Never more than now will you clearly see how our amazing Jesus meets your every need…..and when He leads you to the place where you can again experience great joy…….we love you…the Hickey family

  17. "I have visited a grief support organization near me a few times now."That's great to hear. A lot of time people, especially men, don't want to go to a counselor because it's not "manly" or it's viewed as weak, awkward, inconvenient, but you know what? I think it takes a real man to know when he needs help. A man isn't a man because he never needs help, he's a man because he's "man enough" to admit when he can't handle something by himself. So, in ghetto talk, you da man!–"Grief is when our heart doesn’t yet accept the real loss our mind knows."Excellent words.

  18. You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers and I’m glad to hear that Cornerstone has been a blessing to you. Your blog has been a tremendous help to me because grief has been no stranger to me this year. This past Monday I lost my great aunt who was actually more like a Grandmother to me. The loss has been hard to handle especially because it was so sudden. I know without a doubt that she’s safe in the arms of Jesus and her pains are no more. This is the 3rd family member that I’ve lost since February and I just wanted to write and tell you that your blog has helped me.

    1. I’m so blessed to be allowed to hear how God is using me and my blog. I’m so glad that it has been a help to you, and I am so saddened to hear about all the loss you have experienced this year. I hope and pray that my words can continue to be a blessing to you and others, and to be honoring to God.

  19. Dear Brad,
    I was thinking about you on Thanksgiving and praying that the love and peace of God be with you in many ways and would help to comfort and sustain you throughout the day. Please know that you are in my thoughts and I continue to pray for you daily. God Bless you and your little ones, Brad.

  20. Hi Brad,
    I have prayed for you more times than I can count in the past few days. I too feel like Stephanie is still around, and I have a hard time accepting what has happened. It seems like it’s getting harder and harder to accept it instead of easier and easier. I find myself seeing her in different places, thinking that I need to email her with questions about Logan (as I used to do so often), wondering how she’s doing. I asked Jim the other day if he thinks there’s Thanksgiving in heaven, but if there is, I bet Stephanie was in charge of the food! Anyhow, I’m praying for you even more often than a few weeks ago. We love you and Brady and Halle so much!

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