I find myself filled with lots of hope after today. I can’t even explain why, which tells me that the reason is God. I have gone over all the facts more than I care to admit, even to myself, and I know everything the doctors and nurses have said and I could probably tell you how each one of them expects this to turn out. I only haven’t figured out how God has planned this to turn out.
On Monday and Tuesday, each, we got devastating news of one sort or another. It was crushing beyond measure. Painful. Tearful. Infinitely horrible. With each of those days, I came closer to the realization that this may not end well. But I haven’t given up hope. I couldn’t shake hope with a paint mixer. (And I don’t just say that; I feel like I’ve nearly tried, simply because the evidence seemed so compelling as to the bad outcome.)
In one sense, it’s easy not to give up hope, simply because the hope I have is for something I want. But, it’s also easy not to give up because of the hope God has granted. I hope for a good outcome. And really, there is no outcome that isn’t good because I know God will use this situation for His glory no matter what. I can’t wait to see the way He uses it and I’ve got my eyes peeled every day. I’m hoping, praying, trying to be a part of that goodness He’ll bring. If even one person will begin a relationship with the Lord God Almighty, I know it’s been a success. This whole ordeal will have been a success. I keep reminding myself of that. If you’ve been around, you’ve probably heard me say it. I just hope that I get to see that success, however it happens. Just one person is all it takes. I struggle a lot with God about that, wondering why I might have to be the one to lose something for His gain. I’m still dealing with that, and will be forever (if the worst should happen).
But today, Wednesday, brought back some hope for me and what I want. I can’t explain why. Stephanie had two big seizures in the middle of the night and early morning, and she’s struggled all day with them as the doctor keeps increasing meds. And she still doesn’t respond via cornea or pinched arm (that I’m aware of). She does respond to someone pinching her feet, which is cool. I guess I just have a general sense of things getting better without any concrete evidence. I think it’s the Spirit moving through the people of God. So again, I thank you all for your prayers. It’s working. At least as far as God giving me strength to get through this. It’s working very well. Thank you.